Non attachment

[Grace Allan]

How to achieve non attachment (not complete detachment)? Can anyone help me in this matter please. I need to rest my mind.

[Grace Allan]

Non attachment is a process of getting involved but not expecting anything out of it. Just 'Karma' and moving ahead. But is it possible to do the same in case of a relationship'....where we really don't expect anything out of that! At least we expect some 'adore' at the end of the day. But i have read....it's the attachment that brings all the problem in any relation and puts us to go through sins like hate, betrayal etc. 

[Joe Fulton]

I first looked at your post shortly after you put it up here and slept on it.  I wonder if the type and degree of non-attachment that is talked about in a lot of "esoteric" writings is attainable.  Just based on my own experience, the attachment that I feel towards my wife, Susan is quite deep.  Giving some thought as to what it would be like without her creates something that feels like a deep, empty h***.  I guess that on one level knowing that everything is temporary and whatnot is supposed to be comforting. 

But what about the feelings?  They are not thought out, not carefully reasoned based on a book. Sure, we are influenced by writings, by people we admire...and despite all of that it seems to come down to life experience.  The going into the dark places and into the loss and feeling the sweet sadness somehow deepens us and makes us more thoughtful. 

When my dad died in 1996, there was a song, Chiquitita by ABBA which was a great deal of comfort, based mostly on its words.  It was quite popular and still gets some airplay from time to time. Anyway, here's the chorus, which I will still play from time to time when somethng gets me down (besides the vocals and the harmonies are warm and happy).

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Hope that helps in some small way.

[Jon Fergus]

Hi Grace. Funny thing about resting the mind... is that it takes no effort at all in reality. It's ironic, actually. What takes effort is everything else we do with the mind ;-). A good practice is to just sit and let the thoughts come and go without trying to do anything at all. Don't react to any of them. But don't worry about stopping them either.

And a really great experiment is to set an entire day aside and make sure you have zero plans or reasons to do anything, and resolve to do absolutely nothing for an entire day. Just sit. And sit. And do nothing.

Your thoughts will try to get you to do all kinds of things, but after a while it'll start to sound funny - like a child trying to get your attention. This kind of experiment will help lead to detachment from thoughts, so in regular life, when thoughts arise and things seem so important and you get so attached to outcomes and objects and situations, you can draw on the memory of how silly your thoughts were that day, and realize that they're probably just as silly now. ;-)

Give it a try. And if you do, I'd love to hear how it goes!

If you start with finding detachment internally and during easy times (i.e. when alone, when resting, etc.), then you'll build up experience to begin mastering detachment externally and during difficult times (i.e. when stressed, with relationships and interactions, with work or sport, etc.). Relationships are perhaps one of the trickiest things to experience detachment with, and to be honest, I'm not sure it's entirely possible (which might be why gurus are almost always single ;-)

[Capt. Anand Kumar]

Let us not try to attach ourselves to non-attachment. As per my understanding of the Bhagvad-Gita, non-attachment is required towards the results whereas attachment towards action is recommended.

And Jon, Chiquitita has been my favorite too.

[Jon Fergus]

Let us not try to attach ourselves to non-attachment.

A very good point, Anand! :)